Checking Out

I've decided that I need to take a step back. As you may have noticed from the tone of the past few posts, I'm wearing thin.

I could attempt to explain what I'm feeling, but I would probably end up with a novel, because that's part of of the problem...I can't pinpoint exactly what it is I'm feeling. This is all I know: My prayers to God are numerous and constant; My body aches but I can't sit still and rest; My mind is always racing and I'm writing and re-writing too many to-do lists because I can't remember or keep straight the most menial tasks; I'm tired but I can't relax; I'm hungry all the time and my weight is the lowest it's been in a long time; I'm overly stressed but when things slow down I create more stress out of frivolous nothings; I'm emotional in the kind of crazy way that makes me question how and why my poor husband still seems to love me.

They not all the time, and they're usually short-lived, but when these sad/stressed/painful/overwhelmed/antsy/tired/anxious moments occur, they come out of nowhere and they hit me full-force. More than this being a struggle for me, or a frustration for Adam, I fear they will take a toll on our sweet little boy. As much as I want to document every last bit of our first year as a family, I also think being loving and stable enough to enjoy our life as a family is of more importance. As a result, I'm checking out for a bit.

Knowing me, I'll be back tomorrow with my spirit fingers flailing, but just in case it takes some time to get on track, I thought I'd leave you with a fun video...

Tonight the fam tried out Jackaroo's new walker!

Me Too

Jackson's doctor would like to see him sleeping through the night...

Last night we were up at 10:30, 1:00, 3:20, 4:30, 5:45, and awake for the day at 6:30.

Ya, doc... Me too.

Man(and Woman)'s Best Friend

I'm not going to lie... there have been moments in the last few months where I've thought life would be easier without a dog. I hate to admit that, but it's true. I love my dog dearly, and it's not like she does anything wrong... she's just big and loud and smelly and energetic and quirky and all the things a dog should be!

Well, today Nalu came to my rescue (not for the first time).

It was just one of those days (again)...

Jackson is teething (meaning: grumpy as can be unless he's held and corked with the pacifier), has a diaper rash (for a reasons yet TBD), and is overtired (due to lack of sleep caused by the previous 2 ailments).

Adam is too busy to help me.

And I am too tired/emotional/frustrated to handle the numerous items on my to-do list in addition to the sheer evil lovely demeanor of the previously mentioned men.

I was trying to get dinner ready for Jackson... and Nalu... and us...

So I gave Jackson a snack to keep him occupied (which was sheerly for entertainment since he wouldn't take the pacifier out of his mouth for anything today).

He picked up the Puff...

Crawled over to Nalu with it carefully clenched in his hand...

She smelled the treat...

Walked into her kennel (convinced it was some kind of trick)...

Jack shut the kennel gate...

And the laughter began...

*I tried to rotate the dang video, but it wouldn't work. I'm sorry.

I could ask Adam to do it with his computer, but I'd rather not.

Hey! Look on the bright side: I'm giving your neck a nice stretch! ;)

This went on for almost 10 glorious minutes.

My mood was thoroughly improved (at least for those 10 minutes;)

Dinner was made.

Nalu is officially our best friend!

and babysitter... and life saver ;)

Crazy!

First, let me clarify... yes, Jackson CAN fit in SOME of his 3-6 months clothes (primarily onesies and Circo brand), but he also CAN fit in SOME of his 9 month clothes. Trust me, if you can't tell from pictures, when you see him in real life you would NEVER think he was little!

Next, onto the good stuff... FOOD!

Most of the questions I had for the doctor yesterday were in relation to what Jackson can and can't eat. Although we will probably continue to take it slow, sticking mainly to fruits, veggies, some dairy, unseasoned grains, and pureed meats, the only things Jack can't eat are:

• Egg Whites
• Honey
• Citrus
• Peanut Products
• Cows' Milk

My husband jokingly said, "Ya, Jack! Now we can share some steak!" And the doctor was totally like, "Ya. Just as long as he won't choke!" AH!! How is my baby-- the same tiny creature that sucks on my boob-- suddenly able to eat grown-up food?!?! Crazy! Crazy! Crazy!

9 Months, Pt. 2

For some reason 9 months seems so much older than 8.

I still see Jackson as my tiny little guy, but every now and then I catch a glimpse of him looking unbelievably boyish, as opposed to babyish, and I can't quite wrap my head around the idea of him growing up.

This afternoon Jack's checkup went great! He barely cried with his shots, and the finger-prick to check for anemia didn't faze him at all! The doctor answered a LOT of questions (which I won't even attempt to sum up) and he gave us some good suggestions. It was really helpful. He also gave us a heads-up on what to expect as Jackson continues to grow and acquire an (even stronger) opinion of his own. It's crazy to think that at our next visit (God forbid any accidents!) Jackson will be 1 year old!

At 9 months, Jackson:

• favors his left hand
• growls and squeals
• gives high-fives (with appropriate coaching;)
• turns the pages when we read a book
• has his 2 bottom teeth (and we think a top one is on it's way!)
• gives kisses (he's kissed Papa for awhile, but now he'll kiss others... occasionally;)
• continues to say, "MAMA...BABAMAMA" (indiscriminately, we think)
• started saying "DADA" while crawling after Adam (on my birthday, no less!)
• crawls, climbs, cruises, and experiments with letting go of walls
• eats like he's going into hibernation
• has (sort of) adjusted to only nursing in the early morning (sometimes more throughout the day-- reason for the shift to bottles another time)
• has never tried formula
• continues to love being outdoors, reading, dancing, riding in the car, eating, and snuggling with his "Sailor Bear"
• (for the most part) only sucks his pacifier when sleeping (or when we cork him up for our own convenience-- sorry Bubba!)
• takes 2 naps (of at least 40 minutes each) a day
• goes to bed by 7:45pm and wakes for the day around 6:30am
• tries to clap
• loves to rumble/bubble (what else do you call it?!) with his lips
• sniffles and pushes air like he's in labor (not sure how else to explain it)

And the moment we've all been waiting for....

Jackson's Stats!

weight: 18 lbs 15 oz (~25 percentile)

height: 27.5" (~30 percentile)

head circumference: 44.5 cm (~25 percentile)

We have a little Beanie Weenie!

People keep trying to reassure us that he will grow, and remind us that size is no big deal, but we're really not worried. AT ALL! He's healthy... and he's cute ;) Plus, the fact that he still fits in 3-6 month clothes keeps my pocket book intact!

9 Months, Pt. 1

I will post "Pt. 2" later with the vitals from Jackson's checkup, as well as an updated list of favs and goings-on, but for now, I give you photos from the morning.

Getting Jackson to sit still is nearly impossible and usually turns out like this:

Not the best face/posture/photo/lighting, but his teeth are on display!

His latest fav face (there is a sound to match, which I will try to video before it is outgrown):

Chin up... he is truly his father's son (and Grampa does this too!)

Being my silly Goose:

Reflecting on his 9 months of life:

And the picture I find to capture Jackson so perfectly:

Most people see Jackson as rambunctious and silly... which he is.

But he's also sincere and contemplative.

Taking it all in. Not missing a thing.

There isn't a pin dropped in this house that Jack doesn't know about.

Watching him watch the world, I know he is processing and learning with every single moment. It's incredible.

I love you Jackson Van...

My sweet, sweet boy.

Accomplishments

Although being humble is a virtue, sometimes I think taking pride in your accomplishments (especially for someone like me who struggles with confidence) is equally important.

Late last night, as my birthday came to an end, I lay in bed and cried.

I was overwhelmed with joy. It was a beautiful day-- nothing flashy-- but full of love and simple pleasures. A day very much like my life, really. I am so blessed and I have so much to be thankful for.

So as I lay there, I reflected on my 26 years. Rather than dwell on the things I'm not proud of, I opted to look at some of the accomplishments that I can feel good about... some silly, some sincere.

I have visited other countries (though only a few, it's something I don't take for granted); I am a college graduate; My GPA (throughout all levels of schooling) never dropped below a 3.0; I have never been arrested (though I have gotten tickets); I have never smoked a cigarette; I am healthy; I cannot tell a lie (may not seem like an accomplishment, but I like that I can't be called a liar); I trained for a marathon (up through 16 miles-- I'll complete one someday:); I have upheld some amazing friendships (and sifted out some not-so-amazing ones); I have never bounced a check (and I have good credit); I have a good dog (for the most part:);

I can cook; I have never been fired; I have quit 2 jobs when I felt my integrity was compromised; I help others; I am learning to help myself; I am close with my family; I have a wonderful marriage that's honest and loving, and although it's imperfect, we are devoted to one another; We have a beautiful and healthy baby boy. In addition to our baby boy, there are have been two more accomplishments in the last year alone:

1) I am settling into my most challenging job yet: maintaining my little family unit day in and day out-- a position more tiring, thankless, challenging, and rewarding than I ever thought possible.

2) I have truly come to know the Lord... which means I understand that ultimately, NONE of these accomplishments are my own doing!

It wasn't until I lay in bed last night that I realized I had forgotten to make a wish as I blew out the candles on my cake. But then again, maybe I didn't forget...

Although there are things that might be nice to have or see or do...

Nothing I could wish for

would make my life any more complete.